We, as parents currently raising children, are stressing ourselves out to the point where we don't think anymore. We let the media (books, magazines, internet, TV, etc.) tell us what to think and, most importantly, what to worry about. We have a bunch of "supermoms," who will never live up to the expectations they put on themselves. We are allowing other people to decide what is important and "right" for our kids because we're so overwhelmed by it all. And, as a result, we have a bunch of kids who don't even have the skills to walk a mile to their friends' houses. While we are just trying to protect our kids, but we have become overprotective on a whole. We are suffocating our kids' growth. We are holding them back and not teaching them simple life skills.
Skenazy wrote her book after what became a media firestorm, dubbing her the "Worst Mom in America." What horrific thing did she do? She let her 9-year-old ride the subway alone. Some might gasp at this 'dangerous' situation, but when you live in NYC, the subway is your vehicle. This is the equivalent to saying a suburban mom is abusive because she lets her 9-year-old ride in a car that she isn't driving or a passenger in. Skenazy's son knew the lay of the subway line, knew his stop, followed his mom's directions, and gained an enormous amount of confidence (instead of fear) from his experience.
What struck me most about this is that I was about 14 years old when I started taking mass transit from my commuter-suburb home to NYC to hang out in the Village (with a friend or two of the same age, though). I thought about how I would not even think of letting my almost 13-year-old take a train into the city anytime soon. I realize there's a disconnect because we live near a different city now, of which I'm not even sure how to navigate my way into the city. So, it became instantly clear that those who criticized Skenazy are afraid because they are uncomfortable with doing the task themselves. My parents weren't afraid (maybe a little worried, I am sure), because my Dad commuted to the city daily and my Mom and Dad both grew up living in one of the boroughs. They had a certain comfort level with getting around and I think they figured they could help me get home, if I wound up lost. They knew I was responsible enough to call if I was lost, as well. And, I'm sure I had a check-in time, so that they knew I arrived safely and/or was on my way home.
Skenazy confirmed my thoughts about current parents on her website, http://www.freerangekids.com/:
I think we have lost confidence, as a whole. We cannot keep our kids smothered and structured in every way. They need to try things. They need to do things themselves so they can fail and succeed. They need do this in order to build the confidence to be productive members of their families, schools, workplaces, and communities. We need to teach our kids to think and not just to do what they are told. We need to do that one family at a time. We need to avoid creating an entire generation of anxious adults, who cannot function because they are afraid to take any risks, no matter how small.They have lost confidence in everything: Their neighborhood. Their kids. And their own ability to teach their children how to get by in the world. As a result, they batten down the hatches.
I'm happy to consider myself a free-range parent with free-range kids. Part of my confidence comes from being open to learning. After moving from another state, I learned the lay of my new neighborhood and am often one of the few people visibly utilizing it. I have had to take small steps with allowing my son the freedom he deserves, but the more I know the less anxious I feel. And, after reading Free-Range Kids, I now have a ton of statistical evidence that allows me to relax a little and know that my kids are no more in harms way than I was at their ages, or when their grandparents were their ages. ;)
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