Tuesday, February 15, 2011
So cranky
I started a detox that begins a four week meal/exercise plan. This is similar to other heath jump-starts that I've tried before, although this has no meal plan to follow. It's more a "what to avoid" plan. This is the first week and I sailed through yesterday just fine. Not so much today. I'm cranky, impatient, and short-tempered (although, with a surprisingly lower volume to my yelling). I have a headache and feel irritated. I hate this feeling, but I know I just need a few days to get into the plan, so that I can get the bad crap out of my system. I know I'm just going through withdrawal; three cups of coffee in the morning (sometimes another in the afternoon), multiple calories from whole grain breads and pasta, and at least a sweet treat or two a day is a lot to delete from my lifestyle all at once. So, I know all this and I just have to keep reminding myself that this fog will pass and I will be on track to a lifestyle of mostly health and fitness with occasional treats, instead of the opposite. I can't wait to go to sleep tonight and begin again tomorrow.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Free-Range Kids
The other day I finished reading Lenore Skenazy's Free-Range Kids. Since then, my observations of parenting have been amplified. I'm not trying to analyze (or worse, criticize) other parents and their parenting skills, but I just cannot help but notice how most American parents I know could benefit from reading this book.
We, as parents currently raising children, are stressing ourselves out to the point where we don't think anymore. We let the media (books, magazines, internet, TV, etc.) tell us what to think and, most importantly, what to worry about. We have a bunch of "supermoms," who will never live up to the expectations they put on themselves. We are allowing other people to decide what is important and "right" for our kids because we're so overwhelmed by it all. And, as a result, we have a bunch of kids who don't even have the skills to walk a mile to their friends' houses. While we are just trying to protect our kids, but we have become overprotective on a whole. We are suffocating our kids' growth. We are holding them back and not teaching them simple life skills.
Skenazy wrote her book after what became a media firestorm, dubbing her the "Worst Mom in America." What horrific thing did she do? She let her 9-year-old ride the subway alone. Some might gasp at this 'dangerous' situation, but when you live in NYC, the subway is your vehicle. This is the equivalent to saying a suburban mom is abusive because she lets her 9-year-old ride in a car that she isn't driving or a passenger in. Skenazy's son knew the lay of the subway line, knew his stop, followed his mom's directions, and gained an enormous amount of confidence (instead of fear) from his experience.
What struck me most about this is that I was about 14 years old when I started taking mass transit from my commuter-suburb home to NYC to hang out in the Village (with a friend or two of the same age, though). I thought about how I would not even think of letting my almost 13-year-old take a train into the city anytime soon. I realize there's a disconnect because we live near a different city now, of which I'm not even sure how to navigate my way into the city. So, it became instantly clear that those who criticized Skenazy are afraid because they are uncomfortable with doing the task themselves. My parents weren't afraid (maybe a little worried, I am sure), because my Dad commuted to the city daily and my Mom and Dad both grew up living in one of the boroughs. They had a certain comfort level with getting around and I think they figured they could help me get home, if I wound up lost. They knew I was responsible enough to call if I was lost, as well. And, I'm sure I had a check-in time, so that they knew I arrived safely and/or was on my way home.
Skenazy confirmed my thoughts about current parents on her website, http://www.freerangekids.com/:
I'm happy to consider myself a free-range parent with free-range kids. Part of my confidence comes from being open to learning. After moving from another state, I learned the lay of my new neighborhood and am often one of the few people visibly utilizing it. I have had to take small steps with allowing my son the freedom he deserves, but the more I know the less anxious I feel. And, after reading Free-Range Kids, I now have a ton of statistical evidence that allows me to relax a little and know that my kids are no more in harms way than I was at their ages, or when their grandparents were their ages. ;)
We, as parents currently raising children, are stressing ourselves out to the point where we don't think anymore. We let the media (books, magazines, internet, TV, etc.) tell us what to think and, most importantly, what to worry about. We have a bunch of "supermoms," who will never live up to the expectations they put on themselves. We are allowing other people to decide what is important and "right" for our kids because we're so overwhelmed by it all. And, as a result, we have a bunch of kids who don't even have the skills to walk a mile to their friends' houses. While we are just trying to protect our kids, but we have become overprotective on a whole. We are suffocating our kids' growth. We are holding them back and not teaching them simple life skills.
Skenazy wrote her book after what became a media firestorm, dubbing her the "Worst Mom in America." What horrific thing did she do? She let her 9-year-old ride the subway alone. Some might gasp at this 'dangerous' situation, but when you live in NYC, the subway is your vehicle. This is the equivalent to saying a suburban mom is abusive because she lets her 9-year-old ride in a car that she isn't driving or a passenger in. Skenazy's son knew the lay of the subway line, knew his stop, followed his mom's directions, and gained an enormous amount of confidence (instead of fear) from his experience.
What struck me most about this is that I was about 14 years old when I started taking mass transit from my commuter-suburb home to NYC to hang out in the Village (with a friend or two of the same age, though). I thought about how I would not even think of letting my almost 13-year-old take a train into the city anytime soon. I realize there's a disconnect because we live near a different city now, of which I'm not even sure how to navigate my way into the city. So, it became instantly clear that those who criticized Skenazy are afraid because they are uncomfortable with doing the task themselves. My parents weren't afraid (maybe a little worried, I am sure), because my Dad commuted to the city daily and my Mom and Dad both grew up living in one of the boroughs. They had a certain comfort level with getting around and I think they figured they could help me get home, if I wound up lost. They knew I was responsible enough to call if I was lost, as well. And, I'm sure I had a check-in time, so that they knew I arrived safely and/or was on my way home.
Skenazy confirmed my thoughts about current parents on her website, http://www.freerangekids.com/:
I think we have lost confidence, as a whole. We cannot keep our kids smothered and structured in every way. They need to try things. They need to do things themselves so they can fail and succeed. They need do this in order to build the confidence to be productive members of their families, schools, workplaces, and communities. We need to teach our kids to think and not just to do what they are told. We need to do that one family at a time. We need to avoid creating an entire generation of anxious adults, who cannot function because they are afraid to take any risks, no matter how small.They have lost confidence in everything: Their neighborhood. Their kids. And their own ability to teach their children how to get by in the world. As a result, they batten down the hatches.
I'm happy to consider myself a free-range parent with free-range kids. Part of my confidence comes from being open to learning. After moving from another state, I learned the lay of my new neighborhood and am often one of the few people visibly utilizing it. I have had to take small steps with allowing my son the freedom he deserves, but the more I know the less anxious I feel. And, after reading Free-Range Kids, I now have a ton of statistical evidence that allows me to relax a little and know that my kids are no more in harms way than I was at their ages, or when their grandparents were their ages. ;)
First Post
I decided I needed to start a new blog, as I have many random thoughts that otherwise do not fit my other blog-writing criteria. Some things are just not "firsts," so I cannot include them in my http://gardenlady-yearoffirsts.blogspot.com/. Other things are not professions of love, so I cannot include them in the blog I created for my husband. Sometimes things just come to mind and stay there until I find a way to get them out. I hoping this blog might be the outlet I need for these types of things that creep up and sometime encompass all other thoughts. This is my way of hashing them out and validating them.
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